Learning to Stand

I am the peacekeeper.

It’s easy to see. Whether I am with friends, family or sitting quietly by myself, I seek to calm strife. Chaos must be organized. The tilted picture frame is immediately straightened. The heated argument is hurriedly assuaged. I can’t stand conflict, between things or people.

But what if that conflict is within myself?

What if beliefs you profess is not what how you act?

What if the things you desire is not what you strive for?

What if your internal morality is so fraught with inconsistency, you would rather throw your inner voices into silence rather than be swept by their rambling deluge?

I am repulsed by lying, yet find myself telling half-truths to those close to me. Love begins with self-love, yet daily I methodically rip my soul to shreds. I profess whole foods and healthy living, yet I succumb to overeating over-processed junk. I believe in inner strength and self-determination, yet allow others to mold my heart and my path.

How much longer can I run away from myself? And when will I finally start living?

Without resolving these inner conflicts, I will never change. The past will haunt my future. If I don’t stand up to conflict, I will never find myself – and will instead have a life determined by others.

The road to self-actualization is a long one. In order to get there, I will have to learn to embrace conflict – those within and without. While often a silent, conscientious struggle, I must also commit to action.

I will no longer be silent.

I will no longer be crushed by the river.

I am a rock, and I am able to stand.

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